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Barbie gets around. From what I gather of the wardrobe available in the retina-scorching pink isle in toy stores she's qualified for just about every position from CEO to pole-dancer while moonlighting as a NASCAR mechanic, Vet, Lawyer and any other profession you can think of.

So it's no surprise really to find her working here with me.

Every time I pass this woman in the hall I say "hi" and make eye contact. Immediately, and sometimes just before I initiate verbal contact, her face will go carefully and precisely emotionless. Gazing at some point off on the horizon she may nod very slightly (about the same amount you can squish the little rubbery face forward on the hard plastic neck) or, like today, just go by in vacant ignorance.

I hear the woman is actually quite bright. In meetings she gives a good appearance of being animated. But it's almost hard to believe that beneath the blonde Marilyn Quayle do and blue eyes there's any life at all.

Still I guess she's nice to look at, so from an aesthetic perspective I guess she plays a role. But then that's what potted plants do to.

It's almost not a crime because there's no identified culprit. Essentially, right now, people can crash their Toyota and get away scott free. It's like a "Crash one Get one free" kind of deal. Until Toyota manages to put to rest the cloud of suspicion over their electronics this will go on indefinitely (or until people run out of cars to crash.)

The logic is simple really. You own a Toyota. You want a new one without having to take a bath on trying to sell it. If you wipe it out, and blame the car, insurance will give you its full worth, and Toyota (if you choose to get another) will probably give you a fairly sweet deal. The only losers are the poor bastard engineers who are actively trying to diagnose the real problem behind the genuine crashes. Now their data is going to get horribly contaminated by perfectly fine, working systems that won't show any clues or relevant data.

In this case it's hard to blame Toyota for an engineering failure... based on the collected data. Almost. Toyota has the algorithms that went into the design of the electronics. If they chose to release those, tossing the IP out the window, to the public they could probably have an answer as to where the fault is within a few days. For free. CompSci weenies all over the globe would gobble it down and process it in an eyeblink trying to be the first to figure out the issue.

But then, maybe Toyota knows they have a problem in which case this would be tantamount to an open admission of guilt. Catch 22 anyone?

The Japanese still haven't gotten the message, until maybe just recently with the popularity of the Oscar winning movie "The Cove." Now, suddenly, the negative publicity is getting under some skins.

Following the success of ''The Cove,'' a documentary about the dolphin-hunting village of Taiji that won an Oscar Sunday, Japanese fishermen are particularly sensitive to filming of whaling or dolphin-hunting (AP)

The irony is that most Japanese don't eat sea mammals. The villages that catch them don't provide it to local tables or supermarkets, so it has to go abroad. Recently, even at the Oscars, a high-end sushi restaurant in the US was bagged for supplying it to customers. So I fail to understand why Japan continues to defend killing porpoises as "cultural".

Iwate catches the most porpoises of any prefecture in Japan, according to the latest available figures from the fisheries ministry. In 2007, 10,218 porpoises were caught in Iwate, almost a third of which were Dall's porpoise, which are named after the American naturalist W.H. Dall.

Iwate and Japan have much to be ashamed about. If they caught 10,218 porpoises then they should have to eat 10,281 porpoises. If they're just catching them to sell on the blackmarket then they deserve all the bad press the world can muster. If your "culture" dictates that you need to kill sea mammals just to feel good about yourself then maybe it's time you moved on to some other cultural icon that makes better money. Like Hentai for example...

Clearly one hobbyist is just way too bored these days. I've heard of street art and performance art but performance knitting? Yeah that's just, well, just different...

WEST CAPE MAY, N.J. (AP) -- Someone is spinning quite a yarn over one New Jersey shore town. An unknown person dubbed The Midnight Knitter by West Cape May residents is covering tree branches and lamp poles with little sweaters under cover of darkness.

Mayor Pam Kaithern says police are looking into the guerrilla needlework, which technically is against the law because it is being done on public property without permission.

Ya think maybe it's elves? Someone call Keebler, maybe they had a recent layoff...

The Washington post featured a picture of two guys kissing on their front page to underscore their article that same-sex couples could now apply for marriage licenses. As a result twenty seven puckered prunes with sticks up their asses squealed and ran for their phones. "Boo hoo!" They all cried in unison, "You've offended me!"

Clearly these people are still living in the dark ages. Guys kiss on TV all the damn time, and in movies. And most people get their news off the internets anyway. Chances are most if not all 27 were in their 80's and would be cancelling their subscriptions within the next year anyway.

No loss.

I agree, gun owners in Massachusetts are not under *any* undue burden by being compelled to lock up their firearms when they're not home.

BOSTON (AP) -- The highest court in Massachusetts on Wednesday upheld the constitutionality of a state law that requires gun owners to lock weapons in their homes, a case closely watched by both gun-control and gun-rights proponents.

The NRA-nazi's are all flipped out about how they're gonna be fumbling around looking for the key or combo when the ol' Red Invasion happens in their own home (or Al Qaeda these days). Frankly it's a load of horse shit. If you aren't home then you aren't in control of your weapons. If you are home then there's nothing stopping you from unlocking that safe or trigger the moment after you step in the door. What you *are* doing is preventing people who you don't know from getting their hands on a lethal weapon.

And I totally agree with that.

Why bother even going to the trouble of getting a gun and committing a robbery when there's no payback? That's what one woman found out after trying to hold up a convenience store.

THERMAL, Calif. (AP) -- They say crime doesn't pay. For one robber in California, it did -- but not much.

Authorities in Riverside County say a woman with a gun robbed 11 customers at a market and got away with $6.

Cost of a Glock semi-automatic (black market) $250
Ski mask (local sport store) $5
Gas to and from the holdup (regular, not premium) $15

Total take from the heist? $6

Getting busted for a sloppy-ass crime in a poor neighborhood? 3 - 5 years... Clearly someone didn't think this one through.

A lesbian challenged the school district's policy of forced gender assignment when it comes to prom dates. She wanted to bring her girlfriend. Instead of complying with the ACLU's request to bring the school into the modern age they decided to cancel the entire event, effectively punishing the entire class and making the girl out to be the villain. Basically because she demanded the right to bring the date of her choice they decided it would be better to make everyone suffer.

JACKSON, Miss. (AP) -- A northern Mississippi school district decided Wednesday not to host a high school prom after a lesbian student demanded she be able to attend with her girlfriend and wear a tuxedo.

The Itawamba County school district's policy requires that senior prom dates be of the opposite sex. The American Civil Liberties Union of Mississippi had given the district until Wednesday to change that policy and allow 18-year-old Constance McMillen to escort her girlfriend, who is also a student, to the dance on April 2.

Instead, the school board met and issued a statement announcing it wouldn't host the event at Itawamba County Agricultural High School in Fulton, ''due to the distractions to the educational process caused by recent events.''

There's no logical correlation between the "educational process" and a prom. The prom doesn't educate, it's a reward and a rite of passage. The school district fuckheads think they're going to teach this eighteen year old a lesson in peer pressure, and teach the community who's boss. Now the entire world knows what heartless, spineless assholes you are.

I'm consider myself fairly immune to most "exotic" food concepts. From bugs, to odd sea creatures, to less common cuts (brains anyone?) I've been exposed to a lot. Million-year-old eggs, as the Chinese call them, and sea urchin in brown-bile sauce, I think I'm pretty unfazed by bizarre cuisine.

But then there's this...

NEW YORK (AP) -- Breast milk cheese, anyone? A Manhattan chef has posted a recipe on his blog for what he calls ''My spouse's mommy milk cheese.'' Daniel Angerer co-owns Klee Brasserie with his wife Lori Mason. A photo on his blog features the cheese encrusted with maple caramelized pumpkin and Concord grapes. They had an overabundance of milk for their newborn, Arabella Caroline. When their small freezer ran out of space, Angerer decided to experiment.

I'm sorry, that just makes me wince, gag and scrunch up my face in Pee-wee Herman-esque revulsion. Ok that's just "ewwwwwww" in my book.

...you find out you haven't. I'll be honest. This is a new one on me.

ATLANTA (AP) -- A Georgia man accused of killing two people is trying to get his murder charges dismissed by using the Census defense.

Floyd Wayne Williams Jr. is saying the charges should be dropped -- or at least his trial should be delayed -- until the 2010 Census is done. He says that way a jury that accurately reflects the county's current racial makeup can be chosen.

It takes more than a leap to buy into the idea that an accused killer should be freed based on 'hypothetical' changes in the county census. If he doesn't think he can get a fair trial based on news or other factors that might contaminate the jury pool, then that's a valid argument. If he's just bullshitting by trying something novel (guess which my money is on) well then I say grab the first dozen warm ones out of the pool and wave the green flag.

Really, if all the evidence points to the fact that you did the crime, just how different do you think the results will be even after the census? Just because there might be more jurors of the same ethnicity doesn't mean they'll find you any less guilty.

And to drop the charges because of that? Oh please, pull the other one.

Germany is not immune from brazen, daylight robberies... but Gods help you if you commit such a crime with any ineptitude...

BERLIN (AP) -- A heavily armed group stormed a poker tournament in a German luxury hotel Saturday afternoon and made off with a jackpot, a police spokesman said.[...]

Rainer Wendt, leader of a major German police union, told n-tv that the weapons used by the robbers, the fact that the heist was pulled off in front of multiple cameras, and other factors pointed to the thieves being amateurs who should be easily caught.

''It was quite apparent that these were not professionals,'' he said, calling the robbery ''a new dimension of stupidity.''

I think what offended the Polizei was not that money was taken, or people harassed, but the mere fact that the criminals did such a shoddy job. Armed only with a weak handful of weapons, including machetes (machetes? In this day and age?) is the equivalent of arriving at a symphony equipped only with your kazoo.

The nerve! If this is the quality of bandits in the Deutschland these days then honestly it's almost an embarrassment to be German! Someone tell Interpol to stand down, or stand up - if they're not done laughing their asses off from all the video footage.

I'm all for freedom of speech, but not when it will harm someone else beyond reason. Posting crime scene photographs of someone's murdered daughter just goes way the hell over the line for me.

ATLANTA (AP) -- Authorities said Monday they will not give Hustler Magazine crime scene and autopsy photos of a Georgia college student who was slain while hiking...

It's so outrageous and so astronomically wrong that it's even hard to fathom why someone would do it. The murderer is in jail, but the pain still lingers for her family and community. How insensitive can someone be in trying to make a buck?

WARSAW, Poland (AP) -- Roman Polanski's wife said her husband's imprisonment in a 32-year-old sexual abuse case has diminished her carefree spirit and terrified and disoriented the couple's two children.

Listen, Emmanuelle... if that really *is your name*, who the fuck cares about your spirit? Doesn't your "spirit" have anything to say about the fact that your husband raped a thirteen year old? True, Europe has different standards, and getting fucked by older men when you're barely nubile probably isn't such an eyebrow raiser over there, but it is here. Yah and about your kids? I wonder what they think? Daddy was a pervert, maybe they should make sure they close the door when they shower too eh?

Wow, what a coincidence of a name though, Emmanuelle . (And for those less familiar with the "erotic" genre it's right up there with 'The Story of O', 'Justine', and 'Delta of Venus'.) Here's a snippet from the Amazon blurb on the same-titled book:

As the story opens, Emmanuelle is boarding a plane in London to rejoin her husband in Bangkok. She finds herself powerfully compelled by the overnight passenger seated beside her, and before she has landed, her irrepressible sensual nature has begun to open wide vistas of sexual possibility. As the novel continues, she moves easily from the waiting arms of her husband to intimacies with the wives of his business associates to further explorations and experiences in which the subtle aesthetics of eroticism are expounded-and enacted-to their fullest.

There's a theme here, very definitely a theme.

No. Not Oscar. Not interested. Not even a whit.

Between the preening and fawning and fake air of camaraderie it's enough to induce vomiting, even without the ipecac chaser. Parties? Meh, no one invited me and damned if I want to hear about the social extravaganzas of the wealthy-beyond-all-reason. Are you worth $25 million per movie? No, no you're not.

And while I don't have any say in the matter of the salaries you can command I certainly have the ability to choose who gets my precious attention. And no, none of you rate.

RICHMOND, Va. (AP) -- Virginia's attorney general is advising the state's public colleges to rescind policies that prohibit discrimination based on sexual orientation.

No matter your position on the legality of laws pertaining to discrimination, you have to admit that colleges tend to be the most liberal of collectives. Kenneth is a moron. Colleges and Universities in Virginia are free to set their own rules, especially were it relates to inclusion rather than exclusion. That's a key point and if you don't understand it then read no further, this post will be lost on you.

One of the primary objectives of our modern society is to be able to provide education to all. We understand that education, even at it's basest level of simply reading and writing, is fundamental to our success. Beyond that we want to ensure that the best and the brightest are provided the opportunities to contribute, improving our lives through their innovations. Automatically eliminating someone based on something that has no relationship to their academic ability is Neanderthal. And Ken is probably their king.

Ken wants to see discrimination happen, clearly he's afraid of gays and needs to use his position to try and deter them from participating in our society as peers. For that Ken, here's a hearty "Fuck You" from me. I'm sorry you're so insecure in your manhood that you need to try and keep bright kids out of college. However that only means that they'll go spend their money on some other school at the same time costing you qualified faculty that prefer not to work under antiquated rules.

Fantastically stupid, one woman decides she's going to ignore the signs and the fences around the bears in a zoo. Then she loses a few fingers as a lesson. Sounds fair enough to me, except perhaps the trauma that the bears (not the drunk twat) had to endure.

MANITOWOC, Wis. (AP) -- Police say a bear bit off a woman's fingers at a Wisconsin zoo after she ignored barriers and warning signs to try to feed the animal.[...]

The woman's boyfriend was bitten as he tried to pry the bear's mouth off her hand, but he didn't lose any fingers. Her 3-year-old granddaughter wasn't injured.

A mayor's office statement says alcohol played a factor.

It's unclear which of two Asiatic black bears bit the women when she put her hand through their enclosure's fence. Police tell the Herald Times Reporter the bears likely won't be euthanized.

Ffs the bears didn't *do* anything wrong, how can anyone seriously consider harming them? On the other hand it's pretty damned obvious that the woman that got bitten shouldn't be allowed out in public without a handler. People that stupid shouldn't be allowed to reproduce, but sadly she already has. I suppose there's time yet to prevent her from sharing any more deficient genetic material. At forty-seven she still has a few years left. One can only hope that, by now, her "boyfriend" now has the better sense to cut his losses and run.

One teacher chose a transvestite. Another chose an extrovert athlete whose appearance is more freakish than not. The last one picked a convicted killer. The common theme? They were all black.

As part of a black history celebration at the end of last month, teachers in each classroom at the school chose an African-American role model. A representative child from each class wore a picture of their class pick on his or her shirt in a parade around school.[...]

The suspended teachers chose O. J. Simpson, the imprisoned former athlete; Dennis Rodman, the retired basketball player and controversy magnet; and the transvestite entertainer RuPaul, district officials said. Many other teachers chose conventional role models like President Obama.(AP)

You have to wonder what they were thinking when they picked those people as "role models" for their classes. Role models? Models for what? Extreme behavior? Of all three I find RuPaul the least offensive. At least Ru never tried to hurt someone. Plus s/he has talent. They can sing. They can look elegant. Ok, maybe that's something to admire.

But O.J.? Rodman? There's not much to find redeeming about them. Publicity and wealth is about all. Perhaps fading out of the public eye might be another. What's there to analyze? "If the glove doesn't fit you must acquit?" Or maybe a slow-speed chase in an SUV with all the police and news media in three counties in tow? What about bizarre facial piercings and hair colors that even the sixties never saw?

I don't have any issue with studying these people, because they did impact our culture for a limited amount of time. But making them out to be someone a child should emulate? Yah, no.