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I don't get it. Someone as fucking wealthy as a Kennedy kills themselves over what?

America's great political dynasty is grieving again after Mary Richardson Kennedy, the estranged wife of Robert Kennedy Jr., hanged herself Wednesday at the family's 10-acre estate in a New York City suburb. (AP)

They say money can't buy happiness but for the most of us, I guess that means the remaining 99%, it sure the fuck can make us pretty cheerful. Imagine that, you're on a 10 acre estate in a suburb of NYC, what the hell does that even cost? I dunno, but you have money out the wazoo, you don't have to work a day in your life if you choose not to, you could spend every last moment on a beach or looking as beautiful as doctors can make you, or buy all the bling from Tiffany's but it's still not enough?

What's wrong with the rich? Is it so damned hard to enjoy yourself? I mean hell, just spend some time at a charity or something if you're feeling bad about yourself. Two seconds in a soup kitchen should be plenty.

Anyway I don't get it. If I had a shit-ton of money like a Kennedy I'd have a nice little house, fancy food, decent clothes, put a scholarship in at a few local colleges and buy myself a pony.

And yeah, I'd be happy. Too bad there aren't any depressed rich people who want to leave me their money, because I could show them how it's supposed to be done right.

You're flying high in the sky. It's going to be hours till you touch down. You're crammed in your widdle seat, the person in front of you is fully reclined which puts the tray table up against your nose. The person on your right is 6' 500lbs and slumped over towards you, asleep. And drooling. The person on your left (yes, you're the middle spoon dearie) is on their cellphone screaming about their divorce.

NEW YORK (AP) -- The phrase "Can you hear me now" has entered the jet age.

Passengers on certain Virgin Atlantic flights are now able to use their cell phones to make and receive phone calls at 35,000 feet, the airline announced Tuesday.

The British airline's new service could be a blessing for business travelers who want to stay connected during eight-hour flights across the ocean. It could also be a nightmare for the passenger sitting next to them.

"I suspect most passengers, like myself, would prefer not to listen to somebody on the phone for what might be hours," said airline analyst Robert Mann.

Air travel already sucks dead dogs for the vast majority (read: anyone not in 1st class). The one thing you usually can look forward to is several hours of irritated silence punctuated by "would you like a beverage" or "pardon me I need to go to the bathroom." That's it. It's a blessing. But now even the sanctity of quiet is in jeopardy. Because Virgin has broken the unspoken rule and decided that it's actually OK to use your phone in the air.

I can't see how this will end well. I really can't.

Given the chance to bitch and moan to someone you know while trapped for hours is almost irresistible. Given the chance to bitch and moan about the people next to you to someone is just slightly less irresistible but a very likely scenario. And the chance of ducking when a punch is thrown your way with a seat belt on? Nil.

Frankly I can see letting people use the phone for an hour after you reach cruising altitude and an hour on the way down. But doing it for multiple hours during the whole flight? Really, really bad news. Because frankly I don't like the way you smell, the way you look, and now I have to listen to the way you sound. Oh joy.

Wow but Swedish women are uptight. It's amazing the race even manages to reproduce at all.

STOCKHOLM, Sweden, May 11 (UPI) -- A Swedish pharmacy chain said its survey indicates one in three women in the country have declined sex due to fears of flatulence during the act.

Pharmacy chain Kronan said the survey, carried out by research company Novus, indicates about one in three Swedish women have passed up intercourse because their stomachs indicated gas release was on the horizon, The Local reported Friday.

The company said only about one in six men had said no to sex as a result of flatulence concerns.

I know French and Italian women don't have these issues. I guess on the bright side eating beans is far cheaper in terms of birth control than then pill...

At least it'll keep you quiet.

SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) -- If Brandi Chastain could have cried foul, she would have.

The world-famous U.S. women's soccer player was in Sacramento on Monday with her Brazilian counterpart Sissi to be honored by the California Assembly as it recognized the 40th anniversary of Title IX.

The occasion prompted Assemblyman Chris Norby to reveal that he wasn't a fan of the 1972 federal law chiefly known for mandating gender equity in high school and collegiate sports. The Fullerton Republican said he thought Title IX had come at the expense of male athletes, particularly those who depend on sports scholarships.

"We need to be honest about the effects of what I believe are faulty court interpretations or federal enforcement of Title IX, because it has led to the abolition of many male sports across the board in UCs and Cal States," he said. "And that was never the intention of this, to have numerical equality. It was never the intention to attain equality by reducing opportunities for the men."

Listen Dickhead, there are plenty of opportunities for you to voice your opinion, but at a ceremony honoring two women athletes it was just out of line. Of all the fucking douchebag moves that one just takes the cake. Please, go back to sucking yourself off, clearly it's important to you, just don't do it in front of an unwilling audience OK?

In our male-dominated society there is no escape for women who get pregnant. The uber-conservatives consider women as vessels the moment they conceive (albeit there is worse: douchebags like Santorum who would willingly enslave women to their reproductive organs by denying them birth control altogether.)

Bei Bei found herself pregnant and alone, abandoned by the man who was to be the father. Depressed, she tried to commit suicide in one of the most gruesome manners possible, by consuming rat poison. She survived and contrary to the doctors first impression her baby died after it was born.

Now she's being tried for murder.

INDIANAPOLIS (AP) -- The Indiana Supreme Court on Friday declined to drop murder and feticide charges against a woman who ate rat poison while she was pregnant in a case that medical and women's rights groups contend could have larger repercussions.

However, the court's unanimous ruling does allow Bei Bei Shuai to be released on bond, which is rare in murder cases.

Shuai's attorneys contend the Chinese immigrant living in Indianapolis ate rat poison in a suicide attempt, not to kill her baby, and that she was suffering from depression. Prosecutors have said she wanted the baby to die. The baby died three days after being born.

Defense attorneys argued in court documents filed March 9 that prosecuting a woman based on the outcome of her pregnancy violates constitutional rights to due process and equal treatment and is cruel and unusual punishment.[..]

Marion County Prosecutor Terry Curry said prosecutors are merely applying Indiana law.[..]

Lynn Paltrow, executive director of the New York-based National Advocates for Pregnant Women, said Indiana courts have ignored 80 organizations and experts who have warned that allowing the case to go forward is "bad for mothers and babies." [..] "The message is ... if you suffer a pregnancy loss or do anything an outsider thinks could be harming your pregnancy, you could be charged with a crime and put on trial," Paltrow said.

Anyone who thinks Bei Bei ate rat poison just to kill her child and not herself is delusional. What is clearly a suicide attempt is being billed as murder in a gratuitous display of patriarchal publicity. A pregnant women is already under a great deal of physical and mental strain, couple that with a lack of family support and the abandonment by the baby's father it's clearly apparent that she couldn't cope. Instead of treatment in a facility that could help her heal she was sent to jail.

So here's a great big FUCK YOU to Indiana, and to the prosecutors who are just "doing their job." And to you Marion County Prosecutor Terry Curry, if you had a uterus I'm sure your attitude would be different. Not that you care, you're just enforcing the laws of the Patriarchy where women are slaves to their bodies.

It sounds grand doesn't it? Keeping America's borders safe, deporting illegal immigrants who are in this country 'stealing' jobs from honest US laborers. But that's the fairy tale version. The truth is that without cheap labor America will be hurt because businesses and farms won't be able to afford to run at capacity.

Think that's bullshit? Then argue with the farmers in Alabama.

ONEONTA, Ala. (AP) -- Some Alabama farmers say they are planting less produce rather than risk having tomatoes and other crops rot in the fields a second straight year because of labor shortages linked to the state's crackdown on illegal immigration.

Keith Dickie said he and other growers in the heart of Alabama's tomato country didn't have any choice but to reduce acreage amid fears there won't be enough workers to pick the delicate fruit.

Some farmers lacked enough hands to harvest crops because immigrants fled the state after Gov. Robert Bentley signed the immigration law last fall, and some told The Associated Press they fear the same thing could happen this year.

I wonder when, if ever, people will stop buying into the political rhetoric? The notion that illegal immigrants are draining precious resources, living freely off welfare and consuming social services meant for card-carrying Americans isn't the full picture. The fact is that they *are* needed because they are willing to do the hard-grinding work under hard-grinding conditions. Something many, if not most, would be unwilling to do. No matter how much they needed the money.

There is no cure-all to our problems, but we're not alone. Most of the world is in the same boat, and many countries are far worse off such as Spain, Ireland and Greece for example. Drastic times do NOT call for drastic measures, they call for careful thought. Upsetting the economic apple cart by eliminating a key source of cheap labor is foolish. The net result will be higher prices for the voting consumer, the same imbecile who didn't think past the rah-rah-Red-White-and-Blue rhetoric.

So think a little, or at worst read a little, don't just vote with what sounds good. Because like a used car salesman, a politician doesn't have much in the way of morals once they get your vote. Actually I'd say the car salesman is probably more honest because at least you can walk in later and give him a piece of your mind.

He called it "high school hijinks" but these days it's considered unacceptable to restrain and assault someone because they're gay.

There was no Facebook, Twitter, YouTube or sexting when several fellow students at a posh Detroit-area prep school say 18-year-old Romney led a boy posse to hold down one among them perceived as different and snip off his bleached blond hair.

The victim, John Lauber, is dead now, but The Washington Post reported when it broke the story that he was "perpetually teased for his nonconformity and presumed homosexuality" and screamed for help. Though he eventually left the school - kicked out for smoking a cigarette while Romney was not punished - indications are Lauber simply endured, as many of today's victims are forced to do despite the flood of anti-bullying campaigns in schools and out, advocates said. (AP)

Things really *were* different back then, and school-yard justice wasn't all that unusual. Homosexuality wasn't acceptable as it (kinda) is today. Still, even so, Romney lead a gang to beat up a classmate. And he got away with it. The bigger question is, is he sorry now?

Romney said he can't recall the incident but did participate in "hijinks" in his younger days. Later, he told Fox News that if he was involved, he's sorry.(AP)

There you have it folks, apparently Mitt "can't remember". Really? I would remember something like that. At eighteen you'd damn well remember, as would the posse of boys who participated.

I predict Romney will eventually own up and admit that he did it. I further predict that he'll offer a posthumous apology to his deceased classmate. And while it may make people on the border dislike him more it won't really damage his standing with the Republican party because it more or less adheres to their ideals anyway.

Romney, Gay Basher and selective memory all rolled into one, just the kinda guy you want for President.

MIDDLETOWN, Conn. (AP) -- Officials say a fire alarm that went off at a Connecticut high school was activated by a student's "overabundance" of body spray in a locker room.

Firefighters were called to Middletown High School shortly after 3 p.m. Thursday.

Officials told The Middletown Press that the student used an excessive amount of the scented spray and created a cloud of mist right below a heat sensor, which tripped the fire alarm.

I mean it seems like an obvious Axe Bomb prank, it's not fair to cast judgement before all the facts are in. Of course students, being students, can be pretty close lipped about the actual circumstances of the event. Still the mind has to wonder, which was it that set off the fire alarm? Was it really the spray... or the body? (Hoooooooooo!)

She applies for citizenship and when she gets it she "proudly" throws it on the ground and stomps on it. That's like ordering a pricey steak at a fancy restaurant and then dumping it in the trash to prove you're a vegetarian. Wtf?

MINNEAPOLIS (AP) -- U.S. Rep. Michele Bachmann ended her Swiss citizenship less than diplomatically Thursday, saying she was giving it up to prove she is a "proud American citizen."

The Minnesota Republican said Thursday that she had written to the Swiss Consulate asking to withdraw her citizenship just two days after it was first reported that she had taken steps to affirm it. [..]

"I took this action because I want to make it perfectly clear: I was born in America and I am a proud American citizen. I am, and always have been, 100 percent committed to our United States Constitution and the United States of America," Bachmann said.

Damn but you're one stupid, pedantic bitch.

States are passing Gay marriage laws, other states are passing Hetero-only marriage laws, frankly I'm just flat out confused as to why this is such a big time (and money) wasting issue.

Way back in 1862 the US decreed that polygamy was illegal. Most people didn't care. Most people who weren't Mormon that is. Nevertheless life went on and some Mormons continued to practice polygamy and some went to jail for boffing underage girls. Whatever. The point is that other than some brief Reality TV fame it hasn't done much to anyone or their way of life. People who really want to do. Most of us don't.

So here we are within the smaller confines of gender based marriage. We all can agree that the 1 to 1 ratio is still good but suddenly the gender of who is marrying whom is in question. (The Reader should note that race too used to be an issue, but these days interracial marriage is so accepted that you rarely even hear the term used.) Back to the point however, so why the brouhaha over gender?

Let's look at this from the practical sense. Two people are in love, and love crosses age, gender, disability, language, any barrier you want to set, I think everyone can agree on that. So if any two people can fall in love why can't any two people get legally married? Marriage is more than just a religious blessing (atheists might argue that's not even relevant), it's a legal designation. It provides a link between two unrelated people. But where is the threat to heterosexuals if homosexuals are allowed this legal protection? That takes the discussion from practical to emotional because practically it doesn't really hurt anyone, it actually just helps the people who are excluded.

So what's the emotional damage if two women or two men are married? The usual answer is "well it violates some religious tenant." Thus the matter boils right back down to the same ugliness as 1862, where it's not about rights, or logic at all, but about the freedom (or imposition) of religious values on American society.

The big deal, as I see it, is simply that religious conservatives felt rejected and marginalized for a very long time. With the rise of ultra-conservatism a vocal minority have reversed the fortunes of "classical" religious values and projected them on society, in effect saying "Well don't you agree? This is what good, honest, upstanding people would agree with." And many people buy into the package based on that rhetoric alone. Of course deep down they don't really care because honestly it doesn't affect them if Bob and Billy, or Jane and Janet get married.

Gays won't disappear if they're not allowed to get married legally in one state or another. They won't stop living together, or raising children together. Punishing two people in love because they're the same gender is ridiculous. It's un-Christian for that matter.

So what's the Big Deal? Really there isn't any. There's plenty of real issues to fight over, such as caring for the growing population of elderly, fighting wars overseas, reducing poverty, or managing the deficit. Those are the real Big Deals. Too bad some people are too gullible to realize it...

What's in a name? I dunno. Why not ask the guy who just decided to change his name to Tyrannosaurus Rex?

YORK, Neb. (AP) -- A 23-year-old southeast Nebraska man has legally become Tyrannosaurus Rex.

The York News-Times reports that the man entered the York County courtroom on Monday as Tyler Gold and left it with the moniker Tyrannosaurus Rex Joseph Gold.

Gold says in his public filing for the change that the dinosaur's name is cooler. He says that "as an entrepreneur, name recognition is important and the new name is more recognizable."

Ok I have to agree that Tyrannosaurus Rex is a very memorable name, however...
1. It probably won't fit on many forms
2. He's gonna have a hard time at DMV
3. Hospital registration will probably take a LOT longer than average
4. Mrs. Gold will probably never call him by his first name
5. Junior may think it's cool, but the PTA probably wont

That right there is a pejorative that I very rarely choose to use. But in this case it is totally and completely warranted.

WASHINGTON (AP) -- Federal regulators are seeking $52.6 million from a billing company [Billing Services Group] that they accuse of adding unauthorized charges to consumers' phone bills.[..]

The agency says Billing Services added charges for unauthorized services such as voicemail and streaming video to bills for about 1.2 million phone lines, a practice known as "cramming." It says the company acted on behalf of an individual it describes as a "serial phone crammer."[..]

In a court filing, the agency said the company worked with a "crammer" named Cindy Landeen and her associates to bill consumers for the unauthorized services, which included three voicemail services, one streaming video service, two identify-theft protection services, two directory assistance services and one job skills training service.

The level of greed and inhumanity is so utterly vile it warrants the use of the term "cunt" when referring to Cindy the Cunt Crammer. She and her cohorts bilked millions from people who were paying for a necessary service, their phone. Bitch I don't just hope you go to hell, I hope you fucking rot there.

And as for Billing Services Group? You mother fuckers deserve your own special place. Of course a nice half-billion out of your deep pockets is a great place to start. Fuck you scum-sucking dickwads.

Who gets paid to study this stuff is what I want to know...

WASHINGTON (AP) -- Potty humor just got prehistoric. A new study suggests that dinosaurs may have helped keep an already overheated world warmer with their flatulence and burps 200 million years ago.

The research published Monday in Current Biology suggests that large dinosaurs made a significant contribution to the greenhouse effect back then. Study author David Wilkinson of Liverpool John Moores University in England estimated that about 570 million tons of methane came from dinosaurs. That's similar to total atmospheric levels of methane today produced by livestock, farming and industry. Cows alone now produce nearly 100 tons a year of methane.

Well ok, I'm not arguing that it doesn't make sense. I mean big herbivores eat a lot of herbs which means they produce a lot of grassy-gassy and (of course) one hella dino-patty. But aside from the stank (and I'm sure the swamps had plenty of that anyway) what's the real message here?

Outside climate experts say the study makes some sense, but that the warming from dinosaur gas back then is dwarfed by man-made carbon dioxide today from industry.

Perhaps the message has to do with the final fate of the large lizards. Overheating by overeating is a nasty way to go, but is it any worse than what humans are doing to the world today?

Apparently this guy missed the part in the marriage vows where he said he would protect and defend his spouse from harm. Instead the dickhead takes pictures.

JOHANNESBURG (AP) -- The photos taken by a tourist from Scotland show his wife on the ground, hair flying, blood on her neck, with two cheetahs nearby.

The Port Elizabeth Herald reported Friday that Violet D'Mello of Aberdeen, Scotland, was attacked by cheetahs on April 28 while in a petting pen with the animals at a game reserve near Port Elizabeth in southeastern South Africa.

It says she was attacked while trying to protect young children from another group that was in the enclosure at the same time. Her husband took photos of the attack, which were published by the local newspaper and others.

One of the photos taken by Archie D'Mello shows Violet D'Mello smiling and posing with a cheetah raised by humans in the enclosure, before, as she told the Herald, "it became serious very quickly."

Violet my advice to you is this: DIVORCE. I don't think anyone, after they see the pictures, would disagree with that.

They don't respect us but for some reason we must respect them. I know, intellectually, that's how America is but it doesn't prevent the knee-jerk reaction of wanting to kick them in the ass for being obstreperous.

GUANTANAMO BAY NAVAL BASE, Cuba (AP) -- They knelt in prayer, ignored the judge and wouldn't listen to Arabic translations as they confronted nearly 3,000 counts of murder. The self-proclaimed mastermind of the Sept. 11 attacks and four co-defendants defiantly disrupted an arraignment that dragged into Saturday night in the opening act of the long-stalled effort to prosecute them in a military court. [..]

Cheryl Bormann, a civilian attorney for bin Attash, appeared in a conservative Islamic outfit that left only her face uncovered and she asked the court to order other women present to wear "appropriate" clothing so that defendants do not have to avert their eyes "for fear of committing a sin under their faith."

I was originally going to title this post "WTF Are You Kidding Me Cheryl?" Maybe she chooses to humor her client by dressing up to suit his whims but my reaction to her request is "Fuck you, he's in the US now, and these are our laws. If he doesn't want to look, too damn fucking bad if he has to avert his eyes." As if that really mattered.

These douchebags will get their trial and get a sentence that's far above any standard that their society would mete out. We don't behead people here in the US. We don't stone them to death. We don't summarily execute people or mistreat them in jail.

But there's no reason we should tolerate disrespect either.

I don't know that they're truly guilty, but the fact that they claimed credit for the attacks makes it moot in my eyes. The talked the talk, now it's time for them to take a walk. Preferably a long one off a short pier.

I've heard of apples but onions?

ORLANDO, Fla., May 4 (UPI) -- A Florida newspaper said a woman preparing for her 106th birthday may be its longest-running subscriber after receiving the paper for 80 years.

The Orlando Sentinel said Velma Boyd Freeman, who will turn 106 May 19, has been subscribed to the paper since the 1930s, when it came out as the Morning Reporter and the Evening Star.

Freeman, whose daughter said her doctor recently mistook her for 80, said she keeps in shape by eating lots of "Vidalia onions."

"We eat them every day," she said.(UPI)

Actually I'm a big fan of Vidalia onions, I use them almost exclusively in my cooking (in fact I just bought a 5lb bag today.) An onion a day and I'll live to 100? Why the hell not? It's certainly worth a try...

Fischer has made anti-gay remarks in the past and was one of the people who criticized Grenell. "Romney picks out & loud gay as a spokesman. If personnel is policy, his message to the pro-family community: drop dead," Fischer said on Twitter after Grenell was hired. (AP)

Being gay doesn't mean being anti-family. The problem is with ~your definition of family. The other problem is that not everyone hails from fascist, bigoted, assholes either.

Of course if I spelled my name with a 'y' instead of an 'i' people might mistake my orientation too, that's probably where all the hate comes from.