World of Suck

Everyone knows someone like this; your closet freak who thinks the world will just someday recognize him for who he is. The type who will turn down a 'good' job offer because it's not great when the job they have now really blows. The same type who will ignore all the warning signs in any relationship, friends, work, siblings (the 1 he has) when even his 'good' friends will go out of their way to tell him there's problems. And when things finally explode he's all surprised, because god knows the world is out to get him.

On the one hand, as a friend you're kinda sad for the pathetic freak. Because you know no one is ever going to see him for who he thinks he is, simply because he isn't. On the other you tolerate this waste of air because either you want to earn your merit badge in sympathy or it makes you feel better that you're not him. In the worst case you're actually dependant on the freak to do a job and this stroking is what makes him reasonable enough to do it.

Generally conversations with the freak go something like this...

Freak: "I'm depressed. Life just sucks.."
at this point it's your job to interject to cheer him up - because that's what you've been doing all this time, listening to him bitch, so why stop now?
You: "What's up? Are the guys/girls/random pedestrians being assholes again?"
mind you it's required that you start off badmouthing the people who are bringing the Freak down, if you even hint at the fact these people might have a point (or, Gods Forbid that this is yet another mind-numbing reprise from yesterday) then you become The Evil.
Freak:"Yeah I'm so sick of it. This time I'm gonna quit/tell them off/someother random act of imaginary violence."
now you're oblidged to listen to the whole story and pretend to pay attention. Type/say things like 'yikes, man that sucks, wow, damn' and 'no shit?' to kill time while you read the news on the web. This part usually takes the better part of an hour. Or two. Once they begin wrapping up with how sick they are of the whole thing, or how they won't put up with it any more, it's a signal for you to jump in and segue from the 'sympathy listener' to 'pep-talk, ego-butter'.
You:"Well you know you're better than this. Maybe it's time you seriously considered (never say 'do' only suggest they might do) posting resume/finding new gf/start a band".

Freaks never like it when you suggest something that might take effort. Worse, if they DO actually try to do something chances are you'll end up doing it for them or holding their hand so you might as well be typing that resume for them. Worse even, if some action does occur and you were involved then ~you~ become the reason it failed in the first place.

Yep, I bet just about everyone has had their time with their own full time 'Freak'. One is about all anyone can stand, unless they have to manage several part-time freaks. If you have more than one full timer or three part timers I gently suggest you re-examine your own life or adjust your vitamins. Freaks are leaches who can't live their life without training wheels. And if you feel the need to prop someone up for their whole life, then chances are your transition to freakhood is only one listener away.