This goddamn "American Family Restaurant" bullshit has pissed me of way too much, and I've finally lost my grip on the whole fucking thing. I think I'm going to just go insane..
Why do these poor quality 3rd rate "American" restaurants feel the need to throw roughly .5 million dollars of worthless, ugly, cluttery decorations all over the place, scattered in a hideously disorganized manner? Do you ever ask anyone on the street "Hey, What do you like about Applebee's?" Do they ever say "The Decorations!!"? OF COURSE THEY BLOODY DON'T.
If all of these stupid ass shitholes stopped spending so much money on worthless decor and -- I don't know, MAYBE started spending it on educated kitchen and bar staff, then who knows, MAYBE you could get a decent steak and a drink that's PROPERLY MADE. Hell, even the damned menu has a picture of a well-done steak on the front of it.. Anybody who LIKES steak NEVER orders it well-done.. What kind of idiocy is this?
Is it really too much to ask for? Why should I have to go to a specialty restaurant just to get a steak and a cocktail that's properly made?
Now, All of these restaurants are all alike, some being slightly worse than others of course, but for the sake of storytelling, I will stick to my recent (and last) experience at my neighborhood Applebee's restaurant.
They ACTUALLY have a drink - an "Applebee's Martini" with Vodka, Vermouth and Olives .. only the olives are stuffed with bloody Slim Jim pieces!!! Of all the white trash shit in the world, Slim Jim olives? WTF is wrong with America?
Aside from that, they have sissy ass mixer drinks which are sweet enough to cause diabetes on the first sip - Drinks are supposed to taste like alcohol, NOT high fructose corn syrup and citric acid.
My nightmare began when I attempted to order a "traditional" martini - that is, one made with gin, and for Christ's sake, a NORMAL olive. - Everybody knows how to make a bloody martini, right? Not this restaurant! no way!
You know what I got? Gin on the rocks in a highball glass. Where were the olives? SITTING ON TOP OF THE FUCKING ICE!!
Well, normally I like my drinks a little on the "balanced side" as pure gin does have a tendency to taste like, oh I don't know, SOAP... But this was outright dumbassery. What kind of brain dead mindfucked zombie was behind this grotesquery of a drink? Noone who deserved to be, that's for sure.
After a minute or so, the very special waiter came back to check up on us, and I said to him "This isn't a martini, what is it? This is gin on the rocks with an olive on top"
"Sorry sir, how should we make it then?"
"First of all, in a MARTINI GLASS, mix about 1 part vermouth with oh say 3 parts of gin. Put the olive in the glass and pour the mixture over the olive, stir and serve"
That's what SHOULD have happened.. but here is what actually happened.
The dumb ass says to me... "That's a martini. This is how we make them here"
9842890238DSJFIOJSKFJASKLF THIS IS NOT A FUCKING MARTINI.. GOD I WISH I COULD KILL PEOPLE AT WILL.. DF3@$dgfdsgdf
I'm just speechless at this point, I just wanted to jump out of my seat and attack this fat ass with my table knife.. I was so pissed off that I couldn't even remember the rest of my dining experience, or what I ordered for that matter, but I do remember not tasting much of anything..
We spent $30 on lunch, thirty goddamn dollars. PLUS tip.
Of course, I could always rant about my recent experience at Sarasota's hippest Japanese restaurant.. What a fucking shame that was..