World of Suck

Forward - MeMe Roth is on a mission. Junk food is evil, and not just plain, vanilla evil, all that yummy stuff is on par with the anti-Christ. She wants to purge it from her children's' school, but if she can't purge it, she can just harangue and harass the staff and make her little sprouts tow the line by making them seal up any offending material they are offered in a “junk food collector”, not unlike chemical companies putting hazardous waste in drums.

MEREDITH, MeMe, Ms. Roth, JUNK-FOOD NAZI,

Please eat some CHOCOLATE rather than sending rants with lots of CAPITAL LETTERS to school staff. Please, please, just a little piece. You are obviously grouchy and bitchy (and could make a supermodel look chunky). Sometimes exercise endorphines just aren't enough and chocolate, the darker the better (more anti-oxidants *wink*), always makes me nicer. Really, ask anyone around me, if they throw me a nice piece of chocolate at the right time, they are more likely to survive . . . but I digress.

Do you really think a “JUNK FOOD COLLECTOR” will help your kids make the right food choices? Are you really that much of a control freak that you need to know every offending item your kids are offered? Are those tokens an offering to Mommy demonstrating those things from which they abstained while being little paragons of purity? Would a polite “No, Thank You”and leaving the poison for the next person be an affront to all things sacred?

I hope you are saving for therapy for your two children. I don't think dumping a piece of cheesecake that was offered for desert into Tupperware at the boss' dinner party will get them that big promotion. And I'm sure they'll be a big hit around the water cooler when a colleague is trying to sell their daughter's Girl Scout Cookies and your kids frown and go into a diatribe on the calorie and fat content.

Also, your kids have a really, really easy means to rebel. You made it easy. I can see it now - one of your kids will get mad at you and will yell: “See this Ding Dong?? Fuck you!” while he/she stuffs it in his/her mouth and washes it down with a Dr. Pepper. Will you grab him/her by the hair and try to dig it out of his/her mouth with your bare hands? Or will you simply have a melt down and shriek that he/she is going to be a fat, blind, diabetic, amputee loser that no one will want to marry?

It amazes me that you have a background in marketing and public relations since your approach alienates people. Your scientific facts may be sound, but your heavy-handed, sanctimonious approach sucks.

Lighten up, cupcake!

Yours truly,
The fat kid of a couple of neurotic skinny parents